This sounds so much like Heather. We had just moved to a new home, and my daughter Heather, 36, had just moved in 10 houses down. Pop we thought she had died of natural! I am so so missing her. I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter the love of my life. We did everything together. Her joyful smile and wonderful laugh died October 13th , so this is like a raw wound.
My girlfriend sent me this like. Lindsey had genetic liver disease. She stsrted hemorraging and died of brain stem hemorrage due to blood oressure got to low. We sent her to God on October 13th. Her smile, her laugh , her smell Her green eyes. I feel that God is punishing. Me for the sins I have commited. Dear Lord please belp me and please have Lindsey in Heaven with you. Me, an x atheist. We sleep a lot. As a mother who has lost two children, younger daughter and grand-daughter in a car crash, and my youngers son in the way in Iraq, I just have to tell you one thing I never thought about.
Be careful not to let the loss of a child overshaddow the child you still have and make him feel less love. When I lost my daughter at age 19, my other children thought she was all that mattered. I make a point now to remind my remaining 2 children that God blessed me with them. Heaven will surely be worth it all. Worth all the sorrows that ever befall. Those are lyrics to a song I learned growing up in church. I lost my first child this year and it has been the hardest thing that I have ever went through.
I am still in so much pain. However, I have a hope in a man named Jesus Christ. He came and lived, died and most importantly rose again to give all those who believe and know him eternal life. My little Micah is safe in the arms of Jesus now. One day I will see him again!
My loss were two little boys, 6 and 8 years old. I have been a born-again Christian since I was 9 yrs. Jesus is the Answer for every single thing in this life…including the death of our children!! In , our 19 yr. So I found pictures and planned to mail them the next morning to her. They were laying on our kitchen table. Instead, we got a knock on the door about 7 a. It was our local sheriff and our minister. We were told to call the Orange Co. The deputy I spoke with in CA. We were shocked! They met in church and wanted a church wedding. Alas, it was not to be. He ALSO fell asleep while driving.
So we had lost him as well.
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But it really tore our family apart. It truly left our family in upheaval. Our health and our relationships have ALL been deeply affected!! We have had problems ever since. Only God can work this all out so we can stand it!! I would love to be a part of this group, and do what I can to help others, and hope to be helped as well.
Please let me know how I can become involved. Thank you!! I know the journey is a forever journey, but joy will find its way in somehow. So sorry to hear the horrible homicide, murder,natural cause of death for our angels in heaven.. I hated to open this page one day to learn about a bereaved parent but i needed answers from beareaved parents.
Im soo sorry! We lost our son Jacob july 1 to fentanyl overdose he overdosed on purpose he took his own life. Praying for all of you. I lost my son when he was Breathing becomes easier with time. Hang on to that hope. You are loved dear Lorraine. I too lost a son 3 yrs ago. An adult son but we always remember our children as our babies. He passes suddenly in his sleep of heart problems. I have a daughter who misses him terrible and has suffered with it as I have. From day one we have always included his name and life in our conversations.
On his birthday and his day of passing she takes the day off. We do some of the things Steven loved or would do. We take balloons to the cemetery with note to him and release them. Make his grave look nice because we celebrate his life. Go to lunch and then some kind of an activity. The first yr I agreed to a small tattoo. I am not a tattoo person but we knew he would be smiling at Mandi and him talking me into it.
They actually used his real handwriting. I love it. We reminence about funny things he did and would say. This definitely made it a special day of remembering him. One yr we went bowling for him. He was an advid bowler and even had a game. Quite an accomplishment since he was handicapped without much use of his right hand and arm.
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I was 68 yrs old and hardened Bowled in 49 yrs. I actually through a gutter ball and fell flat on my face but got a strike with that ball. We laughed so hard and knew Steve was with us saying yes mom. I helped you.
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Everyone in the alley clapped for that strike. You would not believe how making it such a day of celebration making it a happy day. Not a sit down and cry day. His life is and was special. It lightens the sadness. We laugh instead of crying. If you have someone you can share that day with in this manner every year it sure does help. Many Prayers for you…. Families are Forever….. We also lost our oldest son at 23 about a mile from our home on Dec. He would have been 24 Dec. And the pain never gets better. We miss him everyday…every hour…. So know that my prayers are with you and your family.
I loss my son DeAndre at the age of His death was sudden.
He left 2 sisters who loved him so dearly. My life will never be the same without him. How do I get through this tragic loss. How do I get through the first holiday without my Dre. My body and heart aches everyday. This is so unfair. I feel your pain my son lived with me,,he was killed April 17th last year one day before his 30th birthday. We lost our oldest son, Ethan, on May 25, when he was 23 years old. He had a 3 year old daughter, but she is such a blessing! Smiles have come to us again, but with each holiday, birthday or anniversary, the pain comes back in waves.
And yes, there is an instant bond when I meet others who have lost a child. My prayer for each of you reading this and suffering with grief is that God will surround you in His love and will bring happiness to your lives each day until we are all reunited some sweet day! I miss her so much but have to keep going somehow. I am still so sad. I pray a lot and also pray for all the other Parents who have lost their precious Children x We will see them again one day.
I lost my 24 year old son in February, , two weeks before his 25th birthday. Holidays and his Birthday are still very difficult times for me. Even after 17 years. Love never dies.
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Life changes us as we see things differently then those who have never lost a child. I have become so compassionate, patient, forgiving, etc…. Never thought of ever writing to someone expressing the same bereavement others are feeling. All we can say to possibly ease your pain a little is that at least you have grandchildren from your precious son.
Good bless them. We lost our beautiful son February of last year. Result of a medication that was given to him at the hospital. Mister Christian, as he was called by us, family and friends, had so many dreams to fulfill. Before his demise, he was so proud of his mom retiring from nursing after working for 43 years. Had gotten engaged the month before his death and was planning on a future wedding. Went back to school to pursue his Master degree. He made us laugh all the time. So is he.
He left us nothing but great memories. We only expect to see him again only when our times are up. He is still with you in the form of his wife and children. Squeeze and hold them tight like you would for your dear son. God bless you. Im so sorry. I also lost my son in an auto accident on the 7th of January, this year. He is my youngest son. I am lost. My husband passed 2 years prior. I feel devastated and holding on to my faith in God to help me cope.
I lost my only child 7 yrs ago. He was 18, a senior, and an amazing and wonderful son. I lost my oldest daughter January 8, , she was 49 years old. She was in surgery and her heart stopped and they could not get it started again. She left a son and two grandchildren behind. I think about her everyday. So sorry for your loss , Hi my name is Shawn a Mother of two Men. I went to bereavement classes and just did a lot of soul searching I have to admit I was moving forward leaps and bounds, I wrote poetry things seemed ok. I do have a Mother which I love and respect but she is toxic.
Two sisters who want me to be Indian so they can take over my money and my life after mom dies. For my mom is doing so right now. Please help me thanks Shawn. I lost my son 10 years ago, March 3, , in a car accident. He was my youngest son. I have 3 other sons and understand how it feels to lose even one son. I believe that talking about him as much as I can is very good and brings back very good memories. He was 15 years old and I feel very blessed to have had him that long. He will always be close to my heart and I know he is with God and some day I will see him again.
I also have 4 sons and we lost our eldest only 11 in a hunting accident, shot by his grandad who also lives with us. My 3 younger sons 9, 7, 5 miss their leader. It has just been one year and the pain is truely one of a kind. I know he is around me and he passed with his heart full of love. I hate this life sentence we bereaved parents have been given but it is only a lesson given to the strong. Love to your family and 4 sons. I lost my precious older daughter, Melissa Dawn,to malignant melanoma.
She died on March 22nd, the age of 28, a month short of her 29th birthday April 30th. My heart aches every day, especially on special occasions. I hope that we will be together one day. Her poor younger sister Alison, has been greatly affected by this loss. They were not only sisters, they were best friends.
All our love we send to you. Life is not forever, love is. We lost our daughter, Melissa on August 20th She was She was a frequent patient at CHOP all her life because of her heart condition and three years ago we learned she had cancer of the adrenal gland.
Grief After Traumatic Loss
Her heart condition limited treatment options. The only option available was an experimental type of radiation treatment that had to cease about a year ago and then the cancer spread through out her body. Nurses and doctors were amazed that she did not complain about the pain until the last 4 months of her life. I remember the day her oncologist recommended hospice and the pain and despair I felt.
We were so thankful of being with her when she died. I have good days and bad days; today is a bad day. We loss our 15 year old daughter, Melissa. She was born with a heart defect and had 3 or 4 open heart surgeries from the time she was 3 days old until she was 4. When she was 6, we found out she was deaf. A year later she received a collclear insert. She could never talk, but could sign. Melissa was always happy and could light up a room with non signing people and charm them.
At age 12 she developed adrenal gland cancer which killed her on August 20th Her heart condition limited her treatment options to an experimental radiation. After 2. Soon after that, hospice was started. This was a very sad day as the realization of her death hit my wife and I. I will always treasure my birthday because Melissa loved parties and this was the last on she attended. When she died at CHOP, my parents, sister and wife were at her bedside a blessing.
She was a happy girl and an inspiration. Even though her death was in August, the past two days I have been grieving and missing her. I have spent the last 2 afternoons looking at her photos and crying. I am trying to cope. Melissa was an inspiration to all that knew her. Thank you, Nick. Nick, your Melissa sounds like a joyful soul, one who has been through SO much but yet remains filled with joy. How fortunate you are to be her dad! May the Lord bless you and your family as you are briefly separated from her, and until you all are together again.
The only thing which makes me happy is that we see him walking through the house occasionally, smiling and waving at us……. Wow, your so lucky to see your child. GOD, how I would love to see my girl. My sister and grandpa stated they seen her once just smiling away, so happy. Thank you. For instance on driving not a cloud in the sky, I spotted the number 3 in front if us. It last a long time as we continued to drive.
There was no mistaking it, it was very large and 8. So sorry for your loss. This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. So many questions and not enough answers. When things come up it reopens the wounds and I start over grieving. I found that men often are the most lost. Women know how to grieve and express their emotions. They are at deep pain, but men are totally lost as this type of feeling is something they have never experienced on any level. We seem to unravel because we have no training in these emotions.
Now I realize my destiny is to help others who have lost children. I used to sit and the grave every weekend and ask God why and what he wanted me to learn from this experience. Finally, he answered and showed me it was to help others. Compassionate Friends is a nationwide organization that helped me because I realized they understood my grief and times when I did not know if what I was doing was normal or rational.
I realized there is nothing rational about emotions in this situation. I have experienced trauma and grief, but never from the depths of my soul on this level. I did not know it was possible to hurt emotionally this much and wanted it to stop. I wanted to hurt myself because the physical pain was better than the emotional pain. I feel was the past a dream or am I living a dream now. I am at times so exhausted and wonder when it is going to end. I now realize it will never end. It will not be as intense as much, but it will always be there. We lost our first son to SIDS. We were both at work.
The paramedic called from the daycare, and told me my son was dead. Life has never been the same. My wife got her tubal ligation repaired, and it was successful. He is now 28, and has helped us with our grief. We think of our beautiful son that died every day. The sorrow and permanent worst day of our life never goes away.
I hoped my other children would never have to know this kind of hurt, but my little 13 year Old granddaughter died in her sleep a few months ago, and our daughter is living the nightmare we have went through. She is getting a divorce. This has destroyed her marriage.
Please pray for parents who have lost a child. My heart goes out to you, I lost my 13 year old son in Sep I am praying for you and your family. I have found a lot of comfort in books, both religious and spiritual. Sadly my sister lost her 6 year old girl 19 years ago and she keeps telling me that God has chosen us because he is preparing us for eternity with him. I really feel for those of you who lost your children as older kiddies or as adults. I found my 39 day old baby boy, dead in his cot, 29 years ago. I am happy, mostly, but truly…never a day goes by without I think of him!
We are members of a club no one wa to to join. But we are blessed too, our precious children will not suffer or grow old. We carry them, cocooned in the safety of our hearts, for ever. He was 17, at the prime of his life. He was my youngest. His heart never beat again. It was really that fast. My husband and I were empty nesters. Women talk about the adjustments they have to make to their lives when their youngest goes away to college…. The pain will never go away.
Most days my husband and I live this new life appreciating every moment we have together, we are much closer. The next second we will cry and our hearts will be torn open again. I went back to work within a week, to be gone longer meant going to the doctor, he would determine when I was healthy enough to go back. No way. I went, I was a zombie. I am more serious. My daughter, 22 at the time had a husband and a little boy, took her finals a week later.
Her brother had helped her with a math class just weeks before. She suffered her grief with her little family. We suffered separately. As time went on we spoke his name. Through the grace of God, my family and a few of his teachers set up a scholarship in his name. Every year this introvert, grieving mother gets up in front of hundreds of people and gives a speech before joyfully honoring the deserving students.
I do it because he would do it for me. People ask me, how do you do it. I feel prayers and their love surrounds me. Thank you, I wonder how I will get through each day every morning when I open my eyes. Empty nest…I lost my 13 year old beautiful boy in Sep and in Jan both my girls headed off to university at the same time. My prayers are with all parents who have lost children.
I awoke from a nightmare and darkness. I saw a humming bird fly towards me to set me free into the light…thank you Ms. Brenda, I also lost my 34 yr. I was certain I would die from grief! Through my Christian counselor and my granddaughter , I finally felt like I was healing. However just four months ago I lost my sweet husband of 44 years! He had Non Hodgins lymphoma and within one year he joined our beautiful daughter in heaven! I can never explain the grief I am experiencing now! Without my precious granddaughter and my faith in the Lord, I could not make it through the day! I can attest to every word written here.
My daughter died in , 2 weeks before her 6th birthday, and all of this still holds true today. This is nice but it feels like you are downplaying other deaths. I lost my mother when I was 33 and pregnant. I hurt everyday, wondering what she would look like, sound like. My daughter graduated college, did she see that? I came here trying to get more acquainted with my best friends sons death at But found nothing but anger in your words.
Ya know, as i read all of that and i read it cause i thought i might get some help after losing my wife of 45 yrs quite suddenly and unnecessarily. I always my whole life thought it would be the worst thing ever to lose one of my precious children and am so thankful i still have them and my grandchildren. I still believe losing a child has to be the most horrific thing one could experience and my heart goes out to all of you. Seriously it does. What you wrote and what she wrote The seven items has me sitting here crying my head off! I just want all of you to know that the Departed Soul of your dear Wife, and the Departed Souls of all the children taken away from you, see you, hear you, hear and feel your prayers, feel your love for them, and that some day you will all be together again!
Just believe me because of what I have experienced recently in my life gave me the gift to know this. I lost my son Chris, an only child, not yet married nor any children. He died of a heart attack while sleeping at age 39 in October At first I just wanted to die but I never thought of suicide. My brother died in Vietnam in October at age I watched my mother grieve so much for 20 years.
She would just break down and cry. Finally she let me help her with some things she wanted to keep but had me take them home for safekeeping. I sometimes will take the bottle from the little wooden box and smell. It is as if he is there with me every time I open that bottle. I still hurt and want to scream how much his loss has meant, but still I manage another day. Maybe having time alone is good for the soul at times.
It is so difficult for those who have not experienced the death of a child. I lost my dad, mom and son within a six year period. It was rough, but I truly believe God will only give us what he knows we can handle with his help and our prayers for guidance to fulfill his life plan for each of us, for we are all his children.
God definitely gives us more than we can handle but He definitely does what he does for good reason. He wants to deepen our relationship with him. He wants to give us a revelation of intimacy with Him that we would have never known without the loss of our loved ones. Duane, I lost my husband 18 months ago. We were only together for 17 years.
I know what you mean about the loss and pain you feel and the emptiness. I also lost my daughter 44 years ago. She was 15 months old. I guard her memory in my heart and I agree with you, pain and loss has no boundaries. It always hurts. Religious confusion is normal, as is questioning many things that you may have believed to be certain.
One father dealing with the death of a child reported that his faith in life in general had been shattered. He had long believed that if you lived your life as a good person, striving to make a positive contribution to the world, life would turn out well. The death of his son robbed him of that belief. Surviving the death and loss of a child takes a dedication to life.
As a parent, you gave birth to life as a promise to the future. Now you must make a new commitment to living, as hard or impossible as it may seem right now. You will survive this; however, the experience may change you. As mentioned in the main Understanding Grief section, your grief will be individual and unique. How you grieve over the death and loss of a child and for how long will be different than for anyone else — you need to allow yourself to grieve in your own way. You expect to see your son or daughter walk through the door, or to hear a cry on the baby monitor.
Yearning: Many parents report praying obsessively to have even five more minutes with their child so they can tell them how much they love them. Confusion: After the death and loss of a child your memory may become clouded. Your pain is affecting your emotional and psychological systems at an extreme level — a sense of being on overload is common. Guilt: Guilt appears to be one of the most common responses to dealing with the death of a child. Parents often mentally replay their actions prior to the death and wonder what they may have done differently.
Powerlessness: In addition to feelings of guilt, parents often have a sense of powerlessness that is attributed to feeling that they were not able to protect their child from harm. Anger: Anger and frustration are also feelings reported by most parents and are common to grief in general. You may also be angry that life seems to go on for others — as if nothing has happened. Loss of hope: After the death and loss of a child you are grieving not only for your child, but also for the loss of your hopes, dreams and expectations for that child. Time will not necessarily provide relief from this aspect of grief.
Parents often experience an upsurge of grief at the time they would have expected their child to start school, graduate, get married, etc. Parents are rarely prepared for these triggers and the wave of grief they bring. Be aware of these triggers, and allow yourself to grieve. This is a normal, appropriate and necessary part of the healing process. No two people grieve alike, so there is wide range of differences in the expression of grief.
Each partner may expect too much and receive too little. This unfortunate combination can create a chasm in a relationship, but it can be avoided if each accepts that you both are deeply hurt. Many of the reactions and stresses you are feeling result from your pain, not from something lacking in your relationship.
However, it is not true that most couples divorce after the loss of child. Perhaps with more of an understanding about grief, there will be even fewer. Parents must continue to function in the very role they are grieving — an enormous challenge. Parents have the difficult task of switching roles constantly, from being comforted to being the comforter, at a time when they have little ability to do so.
Some parents swing to the other extreme and become extremely overprotective of their child, determined to keep them safe. Children of all ages process grief differently. Jason was my supporter. My keeper. He helped me when he could. I started doing small things. Then I started freaking out. Lashing out. I never was a jealous angry person until then. I questioned everything and everyone.
Jason amd I eventually ended that. We remained friends so to speak. He has his own things to deal with. I started therapy and went dor awhile. I was put on depression medication anxiety medication and a sleep aid. My mind will not shut down. The therapy really didnt do anything that made me feel better.
It helped to a point. Imthe year before jared my son died, he was only 26, one of my beat friends son was killed. He was 3. The day after Jared was killed, another young lady died in an accident. The month before, a young man overdosed. Two weeks after Jared, his dog died from a broken heart, then my brother in law died of a heart attack. In July my aunt passed away from cancer.
And all I could think was how dare they get to see my son before me. It wasnt fair. It wasnt right. I didnt deserve to lose my only child and then everything keep going downhill. This is the forst article I have seen that my mouth actually fell open and I just knew it was written about me. No one knows what to say so they stop speaking. No one knows that all I need is maybe a smile or a hug or to let me know they are right here for me. No one knows. And I dont know what to tell them. I pretend. I smile even when I dont want to. I laugh when all I want to do is cry. I get up everyday when I dont want to open my eyes.
I speak when all I want to do is scream. Thank you for thus article. I knew I wasnt alone in this journey. I never want anyone to have this journey, but I know deep down now there are others like me. Jennifer please know you are not alone in this horrible tragedy of the loss of your only son,. July of 15, on our way to a parade my daughter and two grandchildren and myself were involved in a accident and I lost my beautiful daughter that day, I was driving and I cannot get past this guilt that I have even though the other person was charged with the accident.
She was my only child. I do know your pain and are not alone with this life changing experience. In your time, you will heal. In your time then, I pray for your peace and a joy that surpasseth all understanding. My youngest brother had a long history of illness and the inability to care for himself. He was on mountains of prescribed medications but nothing could truly ease his pain and disability. He had a seizure disorder and experienced several accidents causing traumatic brain injuries.
Our physical and mental healthcare system completely failed him. He truly wanted to live and be independent but he was not able to comprehend that he needed to help himself by allowing others to help him. Yesterday when we had not heard from him in a week, I went to his apartment and found him dead in his tub. It was evident that his last days or hours were torturous. It was not an unexpected discovery but I cannot get the image of his face out of my brain. My mom had been sick for a while…but she worked everyday as if nothing was wrong.
She had been having a hard time for a while now and she started self medicating. She was a beautiful, young, strong woman. She was tierd, sad, mad, and everything else all in one. I ended up driving my dad back home. We ended up pulling up into the drive way and seen the garage door open and my dad got out of the car to walk to the front door.. Thats when i seen my mom hanging. I screamed for my dad to get her down. At the moment i called Everything went silent for a minute and then i started talking my dad thru CPR.
He did amazing. Listened to everything i said. He got a pulse back faint…. We later lost her at the hospital. Sometimes the room will go quiet in my head and all i will hear are all the sounds from that night. I have woken up covered in sweat since then. I also had to break the news to my 12 year old brother right after losing her. I lost my older brother 63 years old.
He went to collect rent from some tenants that were behind on thier rent. A 21 year old angry person stabbed my brother to death 8 times with a pair of scissors. He claims it was self defense but my brother had no weapons except a chair he held between him and his attacker. The murderer was between my brother and the front door. I can not believe he died such a violent death. He was a kind person and had let this same troubled punk stay rent free for 2 months earlier in the year as he was in between jobs.
He reports for piss tests and has failed to show for 2 and the court system still has not pulled his out on own recognition. Everything has been very hard. My Sister inlaw had cancer and we had to watch her go thru dying with out the comfort of my brother being there with her 6 months later. I had my Mother inlaw who lived with me also pass away from catching pneumonia 5 months after my brother was murdered. My Sisters and my Sister in laws family and I have had to deal with multiple property sales out of town and multiple days taken off work.
We have financially had to hire lawyers. That said and all what hurts most at this time is his murderer walks free for People in earlier comments are right the victim gets made out to be the wrong. My Brother smoked pot so that is out there. They also are trying to make my brother the bad person because he was trying to collect back rent. They refer to this not as a homicide but a rent dispute gone bad. You can paint it anyway you want to but when you are a 21 year old and you are attacking a 63 year old man and you stab him 8 times and you are near the exit door. They tried to say he was defending his domain.
That was dropped when it came out that one of the renters that left and went to the bank to get the rent had invited him in to wait for him. So they were not in fear of thier life and my brother was not threatening. I can not wrap my head around why this punk killed my brother. I can except my Mother inlaws death as she lived a good long life. As painful as it was to lose my Sister inlaw she was no longer suffering the pain from her cancer and my brothers murder. I feel like everytime I except my brothers death at this piece of craps hands and my wound heals then we hear from the court that he will not except a plea bargain deal or he has not complied with court probation.
It feels like some one ripping my scabs off my wound. I take care of my Mother who has alzheimers my sisters and I have not told her. It is hard on holidays she looks for him. I have not told her My Sister inlaw has passed away either and use the excuse she is sick and he is taking care of her. I may find closure. I have not gone to counseling as I have been busy talking care of everything. I feel for everyone going thru this pain in life it does feel like a hole in you that will never fill in.
I have never had any violence in my life and it is something that does change your outlook on life. I had not spoken to or seen my ex in many years, but the circumstances surrounding his death continue to haunt me. I also am having a hard time explaining this all to my son.
Thank you so much for this article. Keep at it! This tears my heart apart to read so much grief, pain and senseless loss!!! It seems insurmountable. My brother Tommy was killed at work; smothered by concrete powder. The negligence of his foreman, his workplace cutting corners, his complete willingness to do any and every job. I lost my oldest son Mauryon at 14 years old. I was at work about to get off when I got the frightening call. I rush from work to get home and I see yellow caution tape around my home. I screamed whattt happened to my son.
What gun!!!! We never had a gun. It is still unclear where he got the gun from. My son said he seen him take it out of his book bag, so I figured he got it from someone at school, but no one has owned up to it yet. I hated that I needed to work because my children are young and still needs guidance. I have talked to my children about guns and literally everything else that could harm them.
But yet and still they get around kids in school and pick up bad ways and habits. I kiss him so much, he was the sweetest with a really kind heart. Me and my husband have 3 children 14,10 and 4. This seems like a dream. I hardly have any support as my mother died 4 years ago and my father in I have 3 brothers 2 are distant and my youngest has been very supportive.
My youngest son and daughter seen everything so we are all in grief counseling. I have turned to church and reading the Bible more. It has been 3 long months without my baby and I hurt so bad. I thought we did everything possible, I taught them right, shared life stories with them, this should of never happened. He was just a baby, I feel so guilty about everything. He was the life of the party, kept me laughing and fussing.
I love him and miss him more than he could imagine. My mother was murdered by an ex boyfriend on the 27 February The 26th was her birthday and she spent the day in court obtaining a protection order against him. The last time I saw her was the night of her birthday. At 4pm on Tuesday 27 February I got a call from my brother to say my mom was shot. Her killer turned the gun on himself right after shooting her point blank in the face.
She was my best friend. I lived next door to her. The past 10 months have been hell. I am living my worst nightmare. A trauma and grief counsellor may be needed here. You are so strong and brave to have survived this long with this nightmare having unfolded around you — you will need help in pushing through. Thinking of you X. My youngest son Mike died August 17, He had actually been scheduled for spinal surgery for August He called me to tell me his surgery was cancelled because his insurance was cancelled.
I heard tears in his eyes He so wanted to get the surgery, do rehab and get back to work. He lived with his son, daughter in law and grandson. Long story, essentially his boss was paying him under the table he read blueprints, did estimates, ordered material, etc. When he heard my son was looking to see if he was eligible for any financial assistance, he told the insurance company my son was no longer working there-afraid they would discover he was not withholding state and federal taxes. Within days, my son was in the hospital; he had a heart attack. He was back in the hospital.
They took 2 liters of fluid from his lungs. Withing couple days, we knew he had a mass in his lungs, spots in his lungs, adrenal glands, kidneys, liver, spleen and throughout his bones. He was given months to live. I got him to my home the end of that week August 15, a Friday, with hospice and a caregiver to help me. He stopped eating Sunday. He died Monday am. My one son who leaves far was able to fly in that morning.
I sat next to my son all night talking to him, kissing him, patting him. I never knew when he was awake or. His spoke to me twice. The last thing he said was that he loved me very much; that was around 2am. My other kids and his on got there early to mid morning. I told my grandson I thought his dad needed him to tell him it was OK to let go, to leave us. My son raised his son alone and they were exceptionally close. After my grandson talked to him around noon, he came out of the room and said his dad had a tear in his eye.
We all went into the room and he was gone. My son was a loving, kind, generous person. He had an innocent, wacky sense of humor. He waited till his son was out of the room so as not to die in front of him. I hurt; the pain is still so strong. From planning on a spinal fusion to death; I still am reeling. I still wonder how no physician suspected any of this. Yes, it is good he did not have the surgery. That would have been awful on top on his cancer. However, I still can not believe what his boss did. Of all the people who helped raise money for expenses, this man just send flowers.
I hurt when I think of how he suffered. He told me his was never so afraid in his life. I am grateful that he did not suffer long and that his family was there for him. But I cry, as of now. I miss him so. I loved him so. I talked to a psychologist who had no idea of what grief is.
I told a story that I thought a particular woman in my book club would enjoy. My one son and I went to the gravesite to put down a grave blanket for the winter. When I told this to the woman, she asked me if I was looking for pity and said some members of the book club were wondering if I was stuck in my gried. Wow, I am crying for you and your experience and your poor son. I cannot believe how silent and deadly his killer was — pretending to be back pain severe back pain though, but wow.
At least you know he touched so many lives, his mum, his children, his good friends. On March 11, I lost the first man I had ever really given my heart to and loved with every ounce of me. He was the father of my child and we went through hell and back for years but we were really trying to make everything right bc we did love eachother and for our child.
We were halfway through the process of purchasing a home together and being the family you so rarely see these days. Then one night he wanted to go out with some of his friends for their bday and I told him he could go. He went out and had drinks and pain pills he was prescribed from a motorcycle accident he had 2 weeks prior. I spoke with him before I went to bed and told him I had a bad feeling but I didnt know what it was. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach eating at me and instead of having a fit and telling him to come home, I took a benadryl and went to bed.
The next day I tried to call him and he didnt answer, I text, no answer, i called his mom, his best friend and no one could get ahold of him. I finally took my children to a friends house to watch them and I went to his apartment 45 mins away. Nobody else was concerned, I knew something was wrong. There was no way in his apt bc he had a privacy lock on the door. I called the police, they busted down the door and found him behind the door dead. That was literally the worst day of my life. Then one of his ex gf he dated during he and I split ups told everyone, to the point where it was all over fb, Instagram, everywhere, that he killed himself over her.
I did find out he called her that night after I got his belongings from the medical examiner and went through his phone. I dont want to feel anything anymore. This girl was what started all of our issues to begin with which is why we went through so much hell from the get. I dont know how to deal with it. I just try to shove it away and not talk about it, think about it, and just focus on my kids for now. What hurts the most is I prayed for so long for the Lord to help him find the Lord and get his life right and get away from the evil woman who flat out said she didnt want him to see his child, who brought him into the drugs, who destroyed everything in him and mine and my daughters life and for him to go when we were trying to get it right, me being the one that finds him, and her being one of the last people he spoke with, then her spread that rumor is beyond the most heart wrenching experience I have ever imagined.
On a sunny summer afternoon on August 16, , the love of my life headed out to run an errand and get gas in his truck as he did most every Sunday. Realizing he was terribly late returning, I tried to reach him by phone. The calls and texts were not returned. Using an app on my phone I was able to locate his phone location. He was a the gas station. But why so long? I decided he must be having truck trouble. I called my Mama and she assured me my dad would drive there and help him out. I had a nagging feeling something was just not right… Finally my phone rang …. We are coming to get you.
We are going to the hospital. Dave has been shot. Did he walk into a robbery at the gas station? Did somebody rob him? I ran to the end of my driveway and waited. It seemed like an eternity. I called my daughter. I called my close friend. Surely they said there must be a mistake. Finally my parents and sister arrived. No one said a word. The silence was deafening. The looks in their faces caused me to panicked. I asked had he been shot in the hand.. Once inside, I raced to the desk, told them my name, and asked to see my husband.
Quietly, the nurse led me into a small room with tall windows with green glass. It never dawned on me I was being escorted into the family room. I was told he was dead. I knew they had to be wrong. They had the wrong person. I asked my sister to check. Upon her return, her face told me it was no mistake. Dave had been murdered. He did not know my husband nor did he rob my husband. Each time I am allowed , I address the court. Just last week, I was in court again. The murderer , who plead guilty, was trying to have his conviction overturned.
His girlfriend? She only got 2 years probation for her part. Absolutely mind boggling. I can not begin to describe the heartache , fear, anger ,anxiety, and emptiness that has been mine since August 16, My life was shattered as was my heart. I will never understand or ever stop wishing I could turn back time. It is only through my family , friends, and faith that I am able to survive this traumatic life changing tragedy. My prayers are with you all. Thank you so much for sharing your story and heartache with us.
Sending you so many many prayers. Unfortunately I know your pain. My father was murdered when I was 15 years old. You are absolutely right. My husband and I lost our son to suicide on Aug. The pain of that loss and unanswered questions surrounding his difficult life and ultimate death are as fresh as though the death happened today. No one can get inside your head and read what you should do. Grief is personal and private and in some cases, traumatic. APRIL 21, is etched in my mind for the rest of my life. I can not undo it, I can not unsee it.
It took me 40 years to finally meet the love of my life, 10 years to become best friends, partners, and love to love completely. And less than five minutes and a stupid choice to end it and take it all away. My husband chose to perform a dangerous act of sexual gratification on that day while I was working, after not being able to reach him after several attempts, I left work to go check on things at home because I just had a really weird feeling.
I found my husband watching porn with a ligature tightly around his neck. I cut it from his body and heard the last air to ever pass through his mouth ever again. His eyes were looking at me and I was in shock and panicking trying to understand exactly what was happening. Oh my God…. Somebody please wake me up! I wake up when I can sleep screaming. I called the authorities so quickly and then they took him from me without being able to hold his hand just for a moment or say goodbye.
How could this happen…. I keep expecting him to walk back through the door, but he never will. I still text his phone everyday and tell him I love him and share my day with him. I just want to wake up! That is a date we share Cora, with the same ending. My husband shot himself that day and I found him. Still so many unanswered questions, he was the love of my life. This article touched me in soooo many ways.
MY heart hurts even more for your losses. Yvette, this article really helped me. On February 15, my oldest son Alex 30yrs old was found dead in a car burn up. Then on December 29, my baby boy Andrew 30 yrs old was shot and killed in ATL where he was a song writter. They caught the monster the trial not yet scheduled. We are still in shock and in trauma we all have PTSD. My husband and i lost both our sons. My daughter now is alone. No siblerys left. My heart is broken as a mother I was the first face the seem when I brought them into this world.
But we all feel this unfair feeling. I hope we all find peace and meaning to our lives in the years to come. June 24, I played my four month old son down while I vacuumed. He was put how doctor told me at am angel to to severe throwing up and had his blanket. I checked on him periodically and finally I go back and I remember he was just motionless and I saw he was blue and eyes barley open.
Save him. I lost it my son was no longer here. I have no answers to whyy son passed away.. Thank you so much for posting this. Reading this article, and the subsequent comments, I feel like it has been waiting here for me to discover it. My mom killed herself, and I how I found out was like something out of a movie. My dad killed himself a few years later. They had been divorced a long time, and the incidents were not connected. My oldest friend, since the age of 3, killed himself a few years ago. I was watching the movie The Tale on HBO tonight, which is about a woman, the same age as me, trying to figure out how her life was affected by traumatic sexual abuse as an adolescent.
It made me wonder why it resonated with me so much, and I wondered if grief could be trauma. And, I found this article, and it is a revelation. It reframes my experience of grief entirely. I have been scouring the internet for someone or some article to relate to my recent loss of my father. He too had passed in his apartment, by heart attack, and we did not find him by aid of the police until 4 days after his passing. This I particularly struggle with, those days alone in his bed, and the state of his body.
Is this something you struggle with as well? Looking for someone to relate…. When my twin sister and her daughter were killed in a tragic fire, CPS took her other two children from me just 10 days later. I felt like I had lost my whole family but I still had my mom. My sisters children were separated and placed with strangers, They did lose their whole family. I finally almost have my nephew back from CPS. I feel your pain of losing your whole family at once and am so sorry.
So Sad. It has been three and a half years since our 38 year old son took his life. One message was particularly cruel. I have lost my parents which i took as a normal course of events, I have lost a cousin to a violent death which was more difficult but the suicide death of our son has me up on a soap box from which I am afraid i come down off of. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share my feelings. Though my situation is different from yours I share your pain and am grieving with you.